Thursday, September 16, 2010
We Are Never Alone
I was twenty one years old, married and living about eight hours from my mom and dad. I had no relatives or close friends in the area. My doctor told me that I had to have surgery to stop some hemorrhaging. I was scared. Late on the night before surgery the anesthesiologist came to my hospital room to talk with me. He explained to me that when he saw people as large as me come into the operating room he wanted to run away as quickly as possible. He explained that because of my weight it was hard to determine the amount of drugs to give me to keep me “asleep” during surgery, that he might give me too much and cause my heart to stop. He said that if he chose to do a spinal the chances were that he could hit the wrong spot and paralyze me. Now I was terrified. I told him to just call off the surgery and he said we couldn't’t do that. When he left, I asked my roommate if she had heard what he had said to me. She said, “Yes, he said he might kill you or paralyze you because of your weight!”
I went inside myself and hunted for peace, for God and for strength. I felt so alone. I was an adult but I wanted my Mother to reassure me that everything would be alright. As I lay there in torment, tossing and turning, I heard someone walk into the room. My foot was outside the covers just as it always was when I tried to get to sleep. I felt a gentle squeeze on my big toe, as my Mother had done a thousand times, when she had come to tell me goodnight. I looked into the face of a nurse telling me everything would be fine but who I saw, who I heard was God speaking to me once again through the voice of my Mother.
The surgery turned out just fine. I ended up with a spinal and was able to wiggle my toes as soon as the surgery was complete. The anesthesiologist told me that what he was seeing was impossible. I told him it was just God reassuring me that he had not paralyzed me!
When we are at our lowest points, God finds a way to reassure us of His presence and love. Sometimes we are the ones He asks to reach out and other times we are the receiver. Either way we are richly blessed to experience His love and peace.